battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
