i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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