I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
