i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
