I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
