I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
