You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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