Just fell off a train. Bad.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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