Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
