If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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