just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
