I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
