I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
