im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
