margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
