I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
