Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
