Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize