doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is Oprah even human
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
