So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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