hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Watching her eat just hurts me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
