i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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