I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
