I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
