They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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