Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
