somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
