its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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