She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
