just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
