Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
