I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
