he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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