WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
organizing the empties. That sober.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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