Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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