wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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