Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
