Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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