Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize