what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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