i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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