I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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