Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
