I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Randomize
