New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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