I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
