just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
