I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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