Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
