Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize