I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
