He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
