arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
