omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We need a shit load of segways right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
