you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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