I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
