1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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