i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
