She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
