i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
