Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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