My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize