If that was your dad, he is hot
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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